One Little Lie
by Pumpkins Queen
Summary: Hurley begins to eat food from the hatch but to keep his secret hidden he is forced to kill off the evidence. watch hurleys ego grow with insanity. funny, many characters will die. contians jokey insults about other characters. my most popular fic.R&R plz
1. pineapple chunks start the story

Pineapple chunks!

Hurley was in the hatch on his own. He was reaching the end of his shift and hadn't eaten in 6 hours.

He couldn't help himself. He could see the storage room from where he was sitting.  
He tried looking at some records and reading some books, but nothing helped.

"Oh crap"

He ran into the pantry and scanned over the shelves for something to eat. He then found.  
PINEAPPLE CHUNKS!

He grabbed 2 cans and began to raid the draws in the kitchen for a can opener.  
Once the can was open he scooped the chunks out into his hands and shuffled out the back door once he heard Locke coming to start the next shift.

Hurley walked along the beach, savoring every piece of pineapple.  
He skipped around while passers by stared.  
"Oh my god! What a luxury!" He thought to himself while he danced by the sea.

WARNING: the Hurley shuffle is my creation and therefore may not be copied! (not that I legally own it or anything...)

"Oh my god! What a luxury!" Said Dave one of the lesser known characters of the show, who didn't have a speaking part until now.

Dave has had a traumatic life. After killing his best friend with an assortment of building blocks at the age o 3, he went on to have several sessions with different psychologists, including Libby. This did help but led him to becoming a cross dresser.  
Like Locke he also experienced a miracle when crashing on the island (sort of). His suitcase was lost in the crash, so he was forced to where men's clothes. Considering his past he's coped well.

"...uh ... Hi... Dave..." Said Hurley who had been frozen in the same position with one leg in the air and the pineapple held out to the side for the past ten minutes.  
"Hey Hurley! Where'd you get the pineapple? Steal it from the hatch? Eh? Where'd you get it"  
"N-no. I did not steal from the hatch"  
"Where'd you get it then"  
"...uh... The... The jungle"  
"Which way"  
"Ummmm... Straight ahead... That way.." Said Hurley pointing down into the jungle.  
"OK! Seeya!" Called Dave as he ran off towards the jungle.

Dave's body was discovered one week later.  
Death by giant kitty cat.  
For some reason he was running maniacally through the jungle.

"Aw jeez." Said a guilty Hurley.

And the moral of the story is:  
Don't let Hurley sit anywhere near food. 


	2. cookies for the doctor?

Haha! We're back with a new name!  
A couple of people asked for more chapters so here you are!  
Oh, Blue Panda you get what you asked for!  
but sorry in advance.  
By the way, I am willing to take in idea's for the story. I have a basic idea for a chapter somewhere in this story, and a great ending planned, so keep reading!  
Here we go...

A week after the pineapple chunk incident and Hurley was still scolding himself for what had happened. As punishment he made himself eat a piece of bruised, slightly rotten fruit a day.

He was on his shift again in the hatch and was running in and out of the toilet every so often as a result of the fruit he had been consuming.

"Jeez! Why am I still blaming myself for what happened? He should of controlled his urges and not of ran off into the jungle!" (hypocrite)

His stomach hurt.  
He was hungry.  
The food was only 4 meters away.

"It's not like anyone will see me... I'll eat in here!"

Hurley once again ran into the pantry and danced (The Hurley shuffle returns!) around deciding what to ram down his throat. He was going to eat.  
COOKIES! chocolate chip ones...

He shuffled into the living room and threw himself into a chair. He scarfed them down, cookie by cookie (piece by piece just seems so normal) thinking nothing bad could come from what he was doing.

"Hey! Hurley you still here?" called Jack as he walked into the same room as Hurley.

"Uh... yeah." He said, cookie still in his mouth.

Jack figured out what was going on "Hurley, what the hell do you think your doing? You know you aren't supposed to eat food from the hatch without permission!"

"well.." Hurley racked his brains for an alibi, "Um... Want a cookie?"

"Oh, alright then... I might as well if they're already open"

Hurley grabbed a cookie, left Jack the bag, and went to the kitchen to get himself a glass of water. He was safe.

"But you know I'm going to have to get Locke to make a lock (he rhymed!) so no one can get to the food without permission. Because we don't want to lose all of our emergency supplies, do we?"

"NO! My food! He can't take that from me!" Hurley screamed inside his head.

He looked around the kitchen desperately. "Can opener? No, to obvious! Cookie bag? No way! Come on! There has to be something! Oh yeah... knives..."

Hurley grabbed a carving knife and ran into the living room.

"HAH! I'm not gonna let you steal my food!" screamed Hurley.

Jack let out a girlish scream, "AAAAAAHHHHHH!" he fainted and fell to the ground.

Hurley jumped on him and stabbed him violently in the chest.  
Jack stopped living in the living room (oh! the comedy!)

Hurley dragged his body into the jungle and scraped the words "overz waz 'ere!" into his forehead (in this fan fiction, Hurley feels that the others are chavs... and write like that)

"That's that bit done!" said Hurley as he twirled and shuffled back to the hatch.

As I have said, I'm sorry!  
next chapter soon! 


	3. chocolate for the fat guy

OK were back!  
Blue Panda this chapter wasn't influenced by your review although you did mention the character it contains.  
The next few chapters have been planned since the start but I felt it needed a couple of chapters to get the readers reading more and to stretch the story out bit!

People on the island were shocked and scared at Jack's death... for about a day!  
Hurley was safe and into a routine of daily snacking on crisps, cookies, chocolate, and celery.  
He was in heaven!

Once again he was on his shift in the hatch (funny how we always meet him here!), and had just got himself a.  
CHOCOLATE BAR!  
(I am sooo sorry about the screaming food intros... I just can't help myself..)

He was sat on the kitchen floor, his new hiding place, eating away when he heard the hatch door open.  
"Aw jeez..." said Hurley getting up and shoving the chocolate into his side pocket.

"Locke! Who the hell's on shift here!" yelled Sawyer "Whoever IS here better come out! I need to know where the docs medicine bag is!"

Hurley went to find Sawyer to tell him he had no idea where "Mr. Cookie Thief"'s, as Hurley now called him, handbag full o' medicine was and that maybe "Locke the King of keys" would know.

"Look man, I have no idea where the medicine is. Locke might know... but, like, I don't-"

"Wohohoh! Guess I caught you at a bad time, stealing supplies? Wait till I tell everyone else!"

"Huh?" Hurley wiped his hand over his mouth and found that he had been eating so quickly that his face was covered in chocolate! "Oh... Oh come on! You wouldn't do this to me! There's gotta be something' that you want? I'll do anything!"

"Well..." Sawyer pictured Jack's mangled, bloody corpse "Oh wait... that already happened... Tell you what, you and me keep doing this. Eating the supplies I mean, and no one knows a thing!"

Hurley thought for a moment at what it would be like. If someone caught them, Sawyer had all the guns, so murders would be quick, and if people were accused, the blame would fall on Sawyer for being the only one with a gun.

"Sure... but you can't rat me out! if you did Locke would seal up the pantry for good!"

"Fine. Anyway now that I'm here we can have some proper meals! Not just non stop chocolate for the fat guys! We're gonna have some banquets!"

And so the truce began!  
But how long will it last?  
Keep reading to find out!  
Next chappie all planned and out soon. 


	4. tofu! tofu! tofu! tofu! tofu! tofu!

Yay I'm back!  
I got caught up with a pokemon fic.  
I needed a while to decide whether I should have a chapter before this one but in the end I thought it may make the story plot a bit messed up.  
I'm really happy that you guys keep reading. I know there are about 14 readers that have read up to chapter 3 so that's nice. And of course there is my bigger fans, blue panda and hoogiman who give me reviews! Normally my fics are read by about 1 or 3 people, who are normally school friends but this is great! )  
Now I shall stop my rambling and get on with the chapter.  
(this chapter is sort of a t+ so if you find it too rude u have been warned)

the pair had been eating together for a few days, and all was well. Hurley had the feeling Sawyer used to take cooking lessons as he knew how to prepare veg straight from the bag in the freezer!

they were both sat, eating.  
BAGS OF CRISPS!  
(ooh soo sooorrryyy!)

"Hey Hurley... would it be OK if I asked Kate to... well you know-"

"Marry you? yeah sure! go right ahead!"

"NO! Stupid. Ask her to come down here for a meal with me... you could eat in here and we could eat at the table. what do you think about that?"

"uh... yeah... sure..."

"great! you know, your not too bad!" said Sawyer as he got up "see you tonight!"

"hey man, you just bring Kate I'll cook the meal!"

"OK! sure! see you then!" he left.

"Aw jeez..." Hurley was in trouble. he couldn't let Kate know about what they were doing!

He needed a plan of action. something to get rid of Sawyer... or Kate as a back up plan.

that evening he went into the pantry and decided to cook.  
TOFU FILLETS WITH CARROT AND ROAST POTATOES AND CABBAGE AND BROCCOLI!

But of course that wasn't gonna get rid of sawyer on its own. He ran around the hatch searching for things to use. He found the left over wood glue that Locke used to make Claire's cot in one of the kitchen drawers, and some pills in jacks handbag.

While the meal was cooking he mixed some water with various spices to flavour the tofu but a separate batch of the same mixture with the pills diluted into it.  
half way through cooking the tofu he spread on the different mixtures, the one with pills onto sawyers and Kate's pieces, the plain onto his.  
once they were done he spread the glue onto the top of their tofu.  
He was just dishing the meals up when sawyer came in.

"where's Kate?" said Hurley bringing their plates to the table.

"oh, she's busy helping Sun in the garden, but she thinks I've found some really nice fruit that I want her to try. she told us to start without her.

"oh OK sure"

"hahah! now she can just think it's suicide!" thought Hurley to himself.

Hurley and sawyer started to eat their meals. Sawyer wolfed his down in seconds!

"oh yeah! I gotta meet Kate in a minute to bring her down here." he said getting up and clearing his plate.

"oh no you won't be doing that!"

"what the hell to you mean?"

"in a couple of minutes your gonna die!"

"huh! how do you know that?"

"your tofu was marinated with spices and pills and later on spread with wood glue!"

"I thought it tasted funny! but why did you do this!"

"you were gonna tell Kate and she would of told everyone! I had to get rid of you! she shall think you killed yourself!"

"huh? I can't believe you! you son of a-- cough cough oooh aaahhh dies" sawyer fell to the ground. (what great timing!)

Hurley quickly slipped a couple of pill wrappers onto sawyers hand, half filled a glass with water, and tipped it over onto its side on the floor next to him. he then left with all the plates in hand and buried them roughly a mile away from the hatch.

Kate later found sawyer and was shocked. she started saying she was a widow of two men and has walked around with a black vale across her face ever since.

but Hurley was safe again!

did ya like it?  
I did kinda turn it down a bit from what it was gonna be but I think it's turned out OK.  
if anybody thinks I should move the age rating up please feel free to tell me in a review and I shall do so.  
next chapter soon! 


	5. Side story: A gift

My hits for this story are going up!  
I have prepared a side story for you all!  
It came to me in a dream.  
by the way it cuts back to the first chapter,  
so don't be confused.

A Gift...

Dave had been searching for hours.

"where the hell is my pineapple!" he screamed. (yes that Dave!)

He stared to run again. Faster and faster in a straight line through the jungle. He was starving. He wanted some dam pineapple!

Suddenly he came to a clearing. A woman stood in the shadows holding a shotgun.  
"who are you?" said Dave.

"Danielle Rousseau... you?" she said stepping out into the light.

"Pineapple Man!" He yelled heroically.

"what?" she screamed, raising her gun.

"um... I meant to... say... Dave..."

"oh... 'cus y'know... if you were "pineapple man" I would have been forced to eat you"

"yeah... right..."

"bye then!" she said hanging her shotgun back over her shoulder.

"yeah! bye!"

she raised one arm into the air, stepped forwards (superman pose...), and shot off into the sky. "bbbbyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" she screamed as she disappeared behind the clouds.

"bye..." he whispered as he waved good-bye to his new found friend.

Almost a week on and Dave was still searching for his pineapple.

"wow this is taking me forever! But Hurley promised me that I'd find pineapple!"

he set up his tent, lit a fire, and went to sleep.

Suddenly a cat appeared out of the darkness... a giant one.  
The cat (lets call him pumpkin) walked along, unaware of Dave's tent. He continued walking, right over it, one gigantic paw, crushing one little tent, squishing one little cross dressing Dave.

And you all know the bit with the body being found and the classic "Aw jeez." from Hurley.

End of side chapter...

Next chappie soon.  
Back in real time by then.  
good-bye for now... 


	6. water melon you must talk to your food!

OK.  
We're back in real time now!

Hurley was sat in the pantry eating away.  
He was now safe from Jack and Sawyer, plus no one suspected a thing!  
He was eating.  
RANCH DRESSING!

Just then Charlie ran in.  
"Oh my god! I didn't know I'd find you here Hurley!"

"don't tell anyone..."

"Nah I won't! Look, I need some peanut butter..."

"why just peanut butter? we have a wide selection here!" Said Hurley.

Hurley already knew were this was going. He was already thinking through different plans to kill him. They were still friends and all, but he couldn't let it out now. One thing would lead to another and he'd end up most hated, higher ranked than Sawyer, Kate would cry from the memory, people would hurt him, he'd cry, he'd need a doctor, Kate would cry more from the other memory, he'd momentarily gain super powers, fly around the world, loose the super powers, fall to his death in the ocean, and he would no longer be able to steal from the hatch, because he'd be dead. So dead he wouldn't even be able to haunt people... and that's his new life's goal... for after death.  
If that makes any sense at all.  
Anyway! Back to Charlie time!

"Well I thought I'd try and win Claire back with some peanut butter... but anyway, can you help me out?"

"uh... suuuurrre I caaaan..." He chucked Charlie a jar of peanut butter, "oh... and if I was you I wouldn't give it to her till tonight... when it's dark... and no one can stop you... you could do anything... you could kill someone... and no one would hear them scream..."

"right... thanks for that... but I think you may of had too much ranch dressing..." Charlie left the hatch.

Hurley's mind raced, searching for ideas to kill Charlie. he needed something that no one suspect. that could be blamed on the virgin Mary statues or their contents, or even his new found love of stealing Claire's baby.  
Then it came to him.

he ran to the freezer and grabbed a.  
WATER MELON!

He then rushed around the hatch until he found an old sheet.  
He wrapped the sheet around the melon, and pinned it into place. He was ready.

That evening Hurley ran out onto the beach with his melon. once he saw Charlie just ahead of his he threw the melon into the sea. He went to join Charlie.

"hey Charlie what's that in the water. it looks like a fish or maybe even a child to me!"

Charlie turned and stared out into the ocean.  
"OH MY GOD!" he screamed, "CLAIRE'S BABY!"

"OH NO! I'll go get triple chocolate cookies and ice-cream!" yelled Hurley, who skipped back into the jungle towards the hatch.

"OK! What the hell!"

Claire's tent was right opposite where he had been screaming, so naturally she jumped up and grabbed her child in fear that the crazed Charlie may try and christen her child again.

Charlie turned to Claire, "Claire! seriously! come help! Can't you see your baby is drowning!" he screamed as he started to run into the water.

"Charlie, all I can see is a water melon... quit the screaming!"

" huh? "all I can see is you water man lol"! Don't worry I'll save you baby!"

And so the "water man" headed out into the sea to save this so called baby, but of course by now the melon was drifting out with the tide. A storm was approaching (how convenient.  
Charlie swam on while people gathered to watch one of the islands outcasts swim to his death.

Meanwhile back in the hatch Hurley was sat with a bag of triple chocolate cookies and a tub of ice-cream. the ice-cream had a cowboy hat on and the cookies had a sheriffs badge.

"can you believe it guys! Charlie actually thought I was getting you guys to come and help!"

So he sat laughing with his items of food while everyone else watched Charlie die. Charlie died knowing he was water man in the eyes of Claire! Claire watched him die knowing her child could remain whatever religion people are when they have no chosen religion! Hurley heard that he died knowing he wasn't gonna have any peanut butter thieves bother him anymore!

How was it?  
This fic is getting quite long!

Next chapter soon. 


	7. Why general candied! here's your army!

---wow... I haven't updated in a while.  
sorry!  
hope you like the new name and summary!  
I was struggling to come up with new ideas for chapters I have one here but I have no idea how it'll carry on I have the ending planned but I had another idea so I may end up doing alternate endings.  
they're quite funny but I don't know how many more chapters I want after that... I just don't feel that Hurley is crazy enough yet for him to do what he'd do at the end.  
by the way, this whole "---" thing is just so it's clear when I'm talkin!  
here you are... after weeks of planning...---

Hurley had fought off a peanut butter thief, a back talking snitch in the making, and a crazy magic man with the ability to "Locke" up his new found food and friends. and he'd also accidentally killed Dave, his unknown long lost slightly female brother. life was good. he was safe. (I have said "he was safe" so many times now!)

he was sat alone in the hatch with his friend, the apple!

(in advance: I hope u follow this OK)  
"your right Mr. I should be candied, we should start an army... yeah... yeah I know! to help fight off the magic mans minions. yeah like Kate "I love two dead guys" whatever her surname is! and Locke the king o' keys! and Claire that lost all her weight in a day and came back with someone's baby! and those two foreigners that talk the "floobledooblekalalalaheyheyblaaaaaah!" language!... yeah... yeah I will go look for troops... hey!... SHADDAP! u should be somewhere in my intestines buddy! praise your leader! don't u dare try and tell him what to do!... look... I'm sorry man... I'll be back with an army..."

Hurley then stopped talking to the item of food and marched into the pantry. "TEN HUT!" he yelled, he paused and looked around at the food. he nodded to the food, "yeah, thanks! that's much better! keep it up!"

he began to picture the army. he felt they should be in uniform. peas? Nah too expected. they should have style. a certain flair. an edge. some unexpected form. he'd had an idea.

he opened up the freezer and shoved his head in to search for what he wanted.  
he then found.  
CURLY FRIES!

"hahah! hey! Mr. I should be candied, I got the troops man!" he called to the apple as he returned to the living room, "yeah... I get you... exactly! that's why I'm making you general! from now on u are general candied!... yeah I know! ain't I just so great! we'll coat you in candy tomorrow!"

Hurley then ran into the kitchen and left his new General fruity friend to think about it's sweet coating future. he opened up the oven and shoved the curled chips onto a tray. "your training will be over shortly men! before you know it you'll be tearing apart Locke's-- I MEAN! Locke the king o' keys extremely shiny, freakishly bald head!...uh... good-bye!" with that he slammed the oven door and had a moments silence as he looked over the cooking instructions on the bag. he then turned the oven on and returned to his armchair... or "throne " as he prefers to call it and waited the 20 minutes the plastic bag told him to.

after sitting in his throne counting the seconds all up to 1200 he jumped out of his chair screaming "TRAINING ... IS... OOOOVVVEEEEERRR!"

he ran to the oven and pulled out the tray with his bare hands and left it on the side to cool.  
"if I wasn't the only sane one here, that would of hurt! but never mind!"

after watching the troops cool, he lined them up on a plate to see how they got on.  
he went along the line examining each one but after a while paused on one.  
"um... dude... your a girl... I'm sorry..." he picked up the curly fry and well... ate it... or her in this case.

his army was ready.  
he was safe.

---did you like it?  
the next chapter is planned and will be up shortly Aw.  
don't look so sad!  
AW JEEZ! BUT MY FINGERS HURT SO BAD!  
OK... I'll carry on typing.  
NOT.  
never mind.  
I'll be back soon--- 


	8. curly hurley

---Aw, I'm so happy!  
I thought many people had given up reading and that's why I changed the name and summary.  
it's worked!  
it seems I have 9 new readers but then again it's just that my stats for chp.6 have gone up by 9.---

Hurley had just sat back down on his throne and had left the plate of curly fries on the table next to their apple general, who of course had not yet been candied.

Suddenly Hurley heard scratching at the hatch door.  
"great..." Hurley sighed, "Charlie must of swam back... right! General. Candied, prepare the troops!"

Hurley marched off to see who it was.  
"what the hell! why isn't that kid lookin' after you? oh yeah... but what about that bloody translating bimbo! oh yeah... Who the hell keeps feeding you anyway!"

as you may or may not of guessed, Vincent was sat opposite Hurley, drooling.  
"good-bye" Hurley said bluntly as he went to shut the door.

before he could completely slam the door into Vincent's face, the golden retriever slipped under hurlers legs and began running maniacally around the hatch.

"uh! general. candied! the army! get rid of the golden marshmallow on four legs"  
(isn't Hurley good at coming up with all these names!... oh wait I did... I didn't know I had it in me)

Hurley then ran around the hatch after Vincent occasionally calling back to his apple but most of the time he was just whispering "oh god. oh god. oh dog- I mean "oh god"." to himself.

by this time it seemed that the apple had given up because well... Hurley wasn't talking back to it like in the last chapter.

then Vincent stopped and smelt the air. his head slowly turned to the coffee table in the lounge. "no man! they're violent. you'll die a horrible death!" Hurley said trying to trick the dog into leaving.

he was to late. Vincent was up on the table eating hurlers army. General Candied was already on the floor, a chunk bitten out of him.

"hey... man... don't do that... I spent ages counting time till they were ready!... oh thanks... go on!... yeah go ahead ruin my life!... you know they're gonna kill me!... oh come on! they were my curly fries!... my army!... I'm curly Hurley!... I mean I got curly hair and stuff!..." Hurley screamed, cried, and yelled at Vincent until he was finished eating all of the curled chips.

while Vincent left the lounge to continue his running around the hatch, Hurley went to see if any troops where still OK, or at least free from dog drool... yeah. Hurley hadn't been snacking for a while... about 40 minutes... tooo, toooooo looong!

after failing to find any edible troops on the table Hurley continued his search on the floor. his eyes darted across the ground. he then came across general candied.

"no! General!... don't worry I'll avenge your death!" Hurley said with tears in his eyes.

Hurley turned to the manic dog, who coincidentally was wearing his lead! after chasing Vincent around for a while he managed to grab hold of the lead and drag Vincent out of the hatch.

"yeah that's right doggy! I know your plan! you knew that I'd been killing people and magic men! you were gonna bark it out to them! they'd kill me and make you their king!" Hurley screamed as he led Vincent to a deserted cliff face, "hahahah! yeah! you know what I'm gonna do! I can see it in your eyes! yeah! your right! I'm gonna leave you here! all on your own! no one thinks your still around anyway!"

once he finished talking to the islands only dog he stared to tie his lead around a thick branch. once he was done he turned and left.

"how rude! he didn't even say good-bye! oh I'll get him some day!" said Vincent as he crossed his legs and pulled his bowler hat out from under the bush he was next to.

Hurley was safe.  
nobody would find Vincent.

the apple was given a proper burial.  
General William Candied died in action.  
whenever he was picked -to- today, half an hour ago.

---next chappie soon I hope--- 


	9. a what now? hurley's so gifted!

---hello!  
back again with another chappie!  
actually I think I'm reaching the end of this tale... (  
there are a few people that I can't kill off and some that I just can't think how to make 'em die!  
actually I may do alternate endings I just can't choose between the endings.  
what do u all think about that?  
feel free to tell me in a review!---

Hurley was still safe!  
he'd already blah blah blah people got killed by violent crazed Hurley.  
and stuff.  
oh yeah and just so you know- Kate was still crying.  
just thought you'd like to know.  
now on with the actual chapter.

Hurley was sat in the hatch, as usual, eating away at some SLIGHTLY THAWED OUT FROZEN ASPARAGUS! (Aw the memories)

"hhhmmmm... y'know. you need some sauces." said Hurley as he got up and disappeared

into the pantry briefly. he came back out with the famous giant ranch dressing jar that we all

know and love.

well I'm not going to go into details but Hurley then sat there eating for about an hour.  
so... an hour of eating later:

Hurley had just finished eating his thawing asparagus when he heard the hatch door open.  
"AGAIN!" Hurley screamed as he grabbed the jar of ranch dressing and ran for the food

storage room.

"hello Hurley. would you like to tell me what your doing with the islands supplies?" said

Sayid, who was stood right in front of Hurley, blocking entry to the pantry.

"um... I found this on the floor... in the kitchen... and... uh... I'm putting it... uh... lemme think a sec'...oh yeah... away."

"really? and did the ranch dressing attack you as you tried to pick it up? because you seem

to have some, and a stick of asparagus, on your face!"

"uh" Hurley felt his face, the dressing was there, and the stick of asparagus, "oh yeah..."

"so you feel you can steal our food from behind our backs? eh?... EH!"

"well... uh... I've just been so stressed lately! I mean mine and Libby's relationship is

improving but I have an odd feeling that she's this crazy lady from the insane asylum I used

to live- I mean visit my 8th cousin 5 times removed at..."

"what the hell are you on about Hurley? didn't anyone tell you that Libby, Ana-Lucia, Eko, and

roses husband don't exist in this fan fic!"

"oh ya... well I was hungry that's all..."

"well don't worry you can eat fruit"

"I guess... I miss Libby..."

"...I miss Shannon..."

"wait! if Ana-Lucia doesn't exist then Shannon never got shot!"

"no... Ana-Lucia shot her several times in the back then flew to china in this fic... oh yeah,

the author then decided that she didn't exist and her and Libby and other tail end people disappeared."

"good."

"how's that good?"

"I never liked your girlfriend... I think you and the French chick make a better couple."

"why?"

"she has super powers, and I know nothing about you, so that means you match! I'm love

doctor Hurley. I should know."

"oh... well yeah... Danielle does have bushy brown jungle hair. and super powers."

for the next few minutes the sat together and talked about their now non-existing love lives.

"wait hold on!" screamed Sayid jumping up from the chair he was sat in (basically, they weren't

sitting on the floor), "you traitor! you ate the islands moose! uh i... I mean food!"

"so what you gonna do about it? I mean I killed jack so what? you gonna make him rise

from the dead and spank me!"

"maybe I will! no wait... that's impossible!"

"nothings impossible..."

"some things are!"

"not in this fic."

"oh yeah!" said Sayid, (because nothing's impossible in this fic! -winks- -teeth ding-) "well I'll

tell Locke! and he'll deal with you!"

"oh really! wait... can we go into the kitchen? cus pumpkin kinda wants the chapter to

end there."

"sure"

the pair enter the kitchen and continue talking. Hurley sat up on the side, next to the knife

rack. he knew what to do!

"now... Yeah really!" Sayid yelled, " I'll tell Locke, and he'll tell Kate, and she'll do nothing, and then Locke will lock up the food and kill you!"

"uh dude. that French chicks behind you"

"yeah right! you won't get rid of me that easily!"

"but dude she is!" hurry said, waving, "hi Danielle!"

"hi Hurley! hi Sayid, come gimme a kiss!" called the French chick.

"huh? Danielle! you care! you really do!"

Sayid turned to kiss the French chick. Hurley grabbed a knife. Hurley threw the knife. it

landed in says back. Sayid fell to the floor and began to die.

"but I don't understand! where's Danielle?"

"ha! you're slow to catch on aren't you Sayid? you see... I'm not just Hurley! I'm a ventriloquist!"

"but you've never mentioned that before! what a rubbish end to this chapter!" Sayid yelled

as he took his last breath. he was done living.

later that night Hurley replaced the knife with a sharp piece of wood and dumped Sayid on

the beach with a hammer in hand. suicide.

Hurley was safe.

---OK the problem now is do you guys want the endings now?  
I have them planned.  
or do you guys have ideas for people to kill?  
but then again I can't kill some of em I won't even tell you who they are cus it could give away the plot.  
anyway tell me in a review if I want the next chapter won't be up till I know what the public wants.--- 


End file.
